The Holidays

Well its in full swing, just like it was in full swing early November (Ugh), The Holidays. I knew they would be hard, our family has been hearing it since day one. Birthdays, anniversaries and the holidays. Thanksgiving came and I was happy to see out of state family and be with them. But I just couldn't pull it together. Being home just made it that much more obvious that he wasn't there. I had offers to do other things with friends and family but I knew no matter where I was, it wouldn't feel right. Ive felt strong this entire time but once thanksgiving came, I've felt unraveled. I have always loved the holidays and even started listening to Christmas music the day after thanksgiving last year. This year I have helped other by putting up someone else's decorations or doing holiday crafts with friends, but I can't even conceive of opening my red and green storage boxes and pulling out our decorations.

BAH FREAKIN HUMBUG

We started a tradition 5 or 6 years ago where Tyson and I would make a few decorations a year so that when it came time to get married our tree would be full of ornaments that had meaning. Last year I had that joy of decorating our first tree with all those fun ornaments. I loved to invite people over to see the tree that we slowly created over the years. All red, white and silver colored along with ornaments we picked up along the way from trips and as gifts. Neatest idea for a couple who are just starting out worst idea for a grieving widow. Those ornaments and other decorations get to stay in the box this year and possibly for the next few years.

Then there's The Angel. It's made out of Styrofoam, pipe cleaners yarn and markers. Tyson made this angel with he was a little boy and it has had its perch on the top of the tree since he first brought it home from school all those years ago. He loved to point it out to everyone " look who's angel is at the top of the tree" even last year at 27, there it was and he was still showing of his craftsmanship and that it was still in one piece. It's an ornament that belongs on a mothers tree is what I always reminded him, Im sure Veta wouldn't have given up even if I asked :) ill keep my Home Goods star topper is what I told him last year. This year I knew it would make us all a bit emotional, but I came over and decorated Vetas tree like I always do and she placed Tysons angel on the top to watch over us this year. Tyson would want that Angel up on the top of that tree for all to see, It was a little emotional but we wouldn't have it any other way. He is our angel afterall...


In order to make it "through" the holidays I'm working all week leading up to Chrsitmas and flying Christmas morning to meet Tysons immediate family in Mexico. I think this will be the best thing for all of us. Something so out of the ordinary is what we all need right now. Continue to pray for us...