La Belle Vie

The Woman who started the Widows Voice blog had this as her status a few days ago and I wanted to share:

When the grief roller coaster intensifies it can be difficult to count your blessings...do it anyway. Especially during the holiday season when you miss what was and can't imagine what will be. Hope springs from the smallest act, the smallest effort to believe that the sun will shine...again. You can do it.

Just what I needed to hear. The last few days have been pretty difficult. On top of my angst for the holidays I have been slowly packing the house up to put it all in storage. Wednesday, Tysons family came over and we got a big bulk of it done. I only get one luggage bag to take with me on the road, so everything had to go, right down to the kitchen sink. Paking all of our things into boxes seemed so depressing.

Then it came time for his clothes. I left everything hung in the closet and in his drawers over the past few months. I didn't want to strip it all out because then it would feel so empty. Thats the last thing I needed was to walk into my closet and see a big empty area next to all of my things. We all kind of stood there for a minute affraid to start. We all shared a few tears and I left the room. Im thankful for his family, though it was hard for them, who took all of his things from his dresser and hangers and put them into bags. We could not bare to throw anything out so they are in bags until the day we feel strong enough to sort through it. I went and focused on something else for a while then came back. Someone went through and spread my things out over the entire closet. It didn't seem so harsh that way. The closet still looked full which was so much easier to look at than the emptiness that I had expected to see.

Thank you.

So back to the quote above. My grief roller coaster is at its loopiest. There are twists and turns and high-highs and low-lows. Last night I sat back and thought about my blessings...

I have an amazing support system of family and friends. Always just a phone call away and ready to step in when I need them. Most people don't have this type of support and I know right there I am the most blessed person around. I have a job that allows me to travel the country with a friend and see places most people never have the time to visit. The hugest blessing there is the fact that I have a job during these hard economic times. I have food and shelter, im not out on the street. I have clothes on my back and judging from all the clothes I moved out of my closets and drawers, I never need another piece of clothing. I live in America where I am free to believe in my God and practice the religion that I choose. I heard recently someone say that being born in America is like winning the lottery, we are already a head of the rest of the world because of where we are born.

This list could go on and on but the point is that even in my darkest days I am looking for hope and the up-side. Some days its very hard to see and some days I feel so blessed just to be alive. The true definition of an emotional roller coaster right there.

Two more blessings this week! Nicole, a friend from high-school, welcomed her first child this week. Little Dylan was born Thursday at 5 lbs, 10oz and all of us are excited to meet the little "nugget" :) Also my other high school friend Mary Beth got engaged last night! Let the wedding planning begin. Congratulations to you both I am so excited for what the future holds for both of you. Proof right there that life still has good things to offer and joy can still exist.