Washington D.C 2004 & 2011

In 2004 Tyson's cousin Leif married his wife Janine in Washington D.C., they live in Alexandria, Virginia. As I started taking pictures this time around, I realized that most of these pictures were going to be repeats. I tried to remember back on the pictures I took 7 years before in November. Besides the most obvious change that Tyson is gone I think the visual of the difference in seasons and growth in trees in the back round are kind of interesting. A little bit metaphorical on the changes we experience in life and "seasons" of life as well. I specifically sought out the picture of the one of me and the bench. It was hard but it seemed a very fitting visual of the most drastic change in my life. I needed to do it for me. It was hard and felt horrible making Ashley take the picture knowing Tyson sat there with me years before, but I had to do it... for me. The picture of Tyson and I on the bench was taken by our youngest nephew Cade as a little guy. He was the only standing by us so we made him take the picture of us. You can tell its taken from a low angle.

Also me 7 years later... I look the same but definitely have gained a few pounds and few more grey hair! HAHAHA its true! Maybe not that much grey but there is some. I definitely feel older and wiser for the experiences I have had from then until know. From 2004 to 2011 I have grown as a Christian, graduated college, bought a house, got married and experienced the greatest loss one can feel. 7 years can make you a big kid for sure.

These pictures break my heart and then instantly make me smile. Wow that amazing man loved me and I loved him. We were blessed! How can that not put a smile on my face? But boy do I miss him...

The Next Step

SOOOOOOOO...


I am a strong believer in the idea that things happen for a reason. Some things I understand and some will never be apparent to me while I stand breathing on this earth. The one thing that keeps swinging around in my direction is that the last big purchase Tyson made was a camera for me. This just keeps coming back into my head. He encouraged me to take a class to learn more my camera so that I could improve my skills. I took some engagement pictures for a friend of Natalias and they were so pleased with them that they asked me to do their wedding in July 2010. I never had the chance to do that wedding, Tyson passed away 3 weeks before and I had to ask them to scramble to find someone else... I didn't know what life was going to be like the next day let alone the day of the wedding. I was meant to put photography to the side and focus on me. Focus on surviving a life without Tyson, and focus on me - healing, grieving, and growing. I don't know why Tyson was taken from me or what it means in the scheme of life but one day it will make sense. I was offered a position to tour with a show. This opportunity allowed me to do lots of things. Time to heal, the ability to see the country, a chance to save a little money. As tour is coming to an end I have been thinking about the next step. I had been praying hard in may as I approached my visit home for the layoff so that I would know what to tell people when I went home what was coming after tour. On May 17th (exactly 11 months) after Tyson passed away, I knew. I knew deep down in my heart that I needed to dive head first into photography, I need to learn as much as I can and then somehow turn it into a business. Research, practice, take classes, whatever I need to do to make this work I need to do it. I deserve to follow this dream and see if I can make it a reality. Its scary, and I sometimes don't know where to start. My biggest supporter was Tyson. He held my hand through all my insecurities and short comings and made me feel like I could do anything. Im getting all sweaty just thinking about doing it without him but If I close my eyes and imagine real hard I can see him sitting next me saying, "do it, you'll be just fine". There was a reason I got that camera from him. It would be the first of many steps I needed to take to heal and follow a dream.

When I came home during those two weeks I slowly started telling people about my plan. Guess what! Everyone was my cheerleader. Everyone told me that it was great idea and that I should try it out. I don't know how it's going to work or how Ill make money at first but I know that it will work out... eventually. I don't expect results right away but with time I hope to turn it into something. Im scared and nervous and VERY excited all at the same time. I also want to take some graphic design classes as well so that I can take the techniques Ms. Amy Freisen showed me and possibly start doing Christmas cards for family and friends as well. She did my Save-the-Dates for the wedding as well as my Christmas Card in 2009. Im not opposed to picking up a part time job to help me make ends meet but I know that If I come home and try to juggle a full time job and learn all this stuff it just wont happen. I need to jump in!!! Sink or swim. I can't wait to learn and improve. Here goes...


These are the few pictures I have done over the past year that I either have on my laptop or was able to steal from my Facebook account.

June 2011

Well my last post was prior to the anniversary and I wanted to update everyone. I survived I guess, as best as you can after the crazy year I have been through. Ups and downs, lefts and right, back and fourths. I rented a room for myself on June 16th and 17th so that I could sit. Sit and be sad, sit and think, sit and read, sit and write. I did it all. I kept a sort of journal starting last summer to write down emotions, worries, memories, thoughts and what nots. I sobbed as I read back on all of that and it was great. Everyday I focus on putting my smile on, as well as my big girl panties and dealing with life. I haven't given myself much time to be sad and upset. Since the day of the accident people have been watching my every move. It was nice to not have to do that for one day and to release all that pent up hurt and emotion. Its what I needed and how I needed to spend the day. I could easily spend everyday doing that but why? Who wants to be miserable everyday? Being miserable for this one day was exhausting enough. I would rather live happy and have moments of misery that I can pray through, or think on for a few minutes and then move on from. That's how I've chosen to approach this year. Its worked for me but I know its not for everyone.

I received lots of lots of heart felt messages from everyone and I thank you for those. One of my favorites being from someone who said that through my strength and trust in God, they themselves have become closer to God and become more trusting in him. This person knows who they are and I love them with my whole heart and soul. Thank you for sharing this with me because thats the exact thing someone in pain needs to hear. That they matter and that they have helped to change the heart of one person. Tyson would have died a thousand deaths to bring one person closer to God and so would I. Thank you.

Updates on tour:

I have less than 5 weeks of tour and its starting to sink in. I will have to say goodbye to all the friends I have made on tour. Haven't I said goodbye enough? I try not to think about it too much but the end is nearing and life will change yet again. Man I really HATE change, but the new normal will come and I settle in to that just as easy I'm sure.










Since the two weeks I was home I spent two weeks in Cleveland (first 5 pictures) where the highlights were Cedar Point - which has the scariest roller coasters I have ever been on... like no seriously the SCARIEST, a Cleveland Indians game, and The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. My favorite ride at Cedar Point was the Top Thrill Dragster which goes from 0-120 mph in 4 seconds and shoots you straight up 420 feet in the air then returning to earth at a 90 degree angel. The ride literally last 12 seconds but the anticipation before the ride is killer! Here's a video of the fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPjN7zArwiI











From there I went to Philly(2nd 7 pictures), The City of Brotherly Love, where I had the Chance to Visit Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross' House, the place where Benjamin Franklin is buried, Eastern State Penitentiary - The Worlds First Penitentiary, Amish Country and the Greatest of all a true Philly Cheese Steak with cheese whiz and all (magical).













I am currently in Washington D.C. (last 5 pictures) and have a ton of awesome pictures here. We saw Fords Theater where Lincoln was shot, The Capitol, The Lincoln Monument, The White House, I got to celebrate my 27th birthday in our nations capitol as well as the 4th of July in front of the White House watching the fireworks!!!