2 years...

We are approaching the dreaded day. When I think of June 17th I close my eyes and see a calendar of the month of June and this big red X on 6/17. I feel my thoughts wandering to the negative a little more this year, the day of the accident and the days to follow. The stuff that makes my voice shake and tears well up in my eyes. Its so strange to think I have lived without Tyson for 2 years. If I stop and think about it, it really blows my mind... serisouly? 2 years? At the same time it still feels like we just moved into the house and were living a seemingly boring newlywed life. Since June 17th, 2010 I have had so many experiences, so many decisions, so many changes... all without him. I was on Facebook the other day and it said I added 133 new friends in 2011. I think of all the new people I have met since Tyson died and how many will never get to know the man I love, and I'm sad for them because of what they are missing out on. The one of a kind person who has affected the lives of so many people. Last year I wrote about who Tyson was, the people I meet from here on out will have to settle for a blog post to get a glimpse of the kind of man he is. http://labelleviephotos.blogspot.com/2011/06/who-was-tyson.html This time I I thought I would share the Eulogy that Tim shared at the funeral about living life with no regrets. I remember the feeling it left everyone with after hearing it. A renewed feeling of living life in a way you would be proud of and not ever regretting a moment if you were taken tomorrow. Thank you for your continued prayers and support for our entire family.

NO REGRETS Tyson is, was and forever will be my “Bud”. Veta and I would love to have him here and celebrating life with us. We thank you for being here. God had another special plan for Tyson. God knew before Tyson’s birth that all of the people Tyson touched would be impacted by his true gentleman character: humble, tender, strong, determined, heroic, compassionate, gracious, intelligent, noble, grateful, courageous and he had a loving heart. Ty was rewarded with the eternal, multi-jeweled Crown of Life after only 28 years living. Tyson, you see, as always, was on an accelerated track to heaven because he had accomplished everything God had asked of him and now God has rewarded him with 24/7 total joy and happiness. Tyson lived a life without regrets and gave honor and love to God our Father. I have no regrets, just wonderful memories of my time and experiences with Tybo. Yesterday was Father’s Day. I was with all my children celebrating Tybo’s love, but also our families’ love of each other, which will continue on now and forever. On front of your programs is a thought given to us by family friends, The Broken Chain, which we firmly believe. Tyson and I had a conversation three weeks ago. That conversation was that a man must have peace with God first and then he can obtain the peace of God. Ty and I had both. Do you? Living a life without regrets regarding your children means more sacrifices than ever. Don’t catch yourself making an excuse, which is like a baked potato, the skin of a rationalization stuffed with a lie; but rather, go to your kid’s games, birthday celebrations, school events, when they are recognized for an award or whatever is happening in your child’s life. It is so much more important and relevant than work, house chores or whatever else you have placed ahead of your child’s life’s events in your priorities. These tasks will remain, and you can complete them at any time, but the opportunity of experiencing with your son or daughter their event is forever gone. Putting off going – thinking that you can make a ‘better” experience at a later event may never come to pass. God never promised us tomorrow, but that only we should live for today. Don’t put off phone calls, visits or whatever it is with your children, loved ones, Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters with the belief “I can do it next week” because that opportunity may be lost forever. Tyson and I spent hours, hours and hours playing Nintendo, going to sporting events on my bucket list, traveling the world, driving for hours and hours with Tyson to games together which allowed for great opportunities to share and listening to the Eagles “Heartbreak Tonight” and converting it to “Headache Tonight”, serving on Elder Boards together, teaching Sunday School together, coaching him and so, so many other great memories. Let us not let Tyson’s death go for naught. Use it as a “Catalyst” and change your life. GET PEACE WITH GOD FIRST AND THE PEACE OF GOD WILL FOLLOW. You will have warm and fuzzy memories with your children, your family, your wife, your husband or anyone else you spend time with. I have always had a saying to my family: LIFE IS ABOUT MAKING MEMORIES, AND YOUR GOAL IS TO CREATE MORE GOOD MEMORIES THAN BAD. Tybo, I know we did and I love you so much. Dad Ps Mom says “DITTO” my “itty bitty”.

"Liking" my passion

Its a weird thing to put a passion or a love out there in the world for others to look at and critique. Art is such an interpretive thing and photography is something everyone does quite a bit of, even if its just a point and shoot camera you throw into your purse. I feel like more people have an opinion on pictures because we can all do it to some degree.

When I take a picture, I am doing my best to capture a certain moment in time the way I am seeing it behind the lens. I then put all of those images on to my computer where I slowly decide if I was successful at capturing the same moment I saw the day that I took the picture. From there I decide whats good (in my opinion) and how to change, crop, lighten, darken etc.. I have been doing this on a very small scale for a little over a year for friends and family. I decided sometime this year that I wanted it to be less of a hobby and more of a small business adventure and branch out to people outside of my comfort zone.

Let me tell you, ITS SCARY!!!

My family, is amazing. I have been pushed (in a good way) to continue to follow this dream. Constantly be encouraged to start a Facebook, get a website, write a blog, start a Twitter, what ever I needed to do to get my name out there. So slowly over the past few months I have been doing so. It's the scariest thing to put those pictures out into the world after using my limited editing knowledge and limited picture practice and hope that the pictures are received well by those who see them. Anytime I go to post or send something out, a pang of anxiety rushes over my body. PLEASE LET SOMEONE THINK THEY ARE GOOD. I hope at least one of them is good in their eyes. I then have to walk away and do something for a while that in the hopes by the time I get back to the computer there will be at least one positive comment.

And you know what... there always is! I love that people support me even if its a click of the "like" button under the picture. Its just the tiny bit of confidence that I need to continue.

I'm not sure where my confidence went or if I ever really had any. I'm not sure if its something that Tyson gave me and I lost it the day he died. Was it never really there but I didn't care because I never needed that outside attention? I'm not really sure but either way the positive feedback I have gotten from people over my pictures and my choice to continue with it has been a huge blessing.

Please don't read this and go comment on all of my pictures, that's not what I wanted to achieve by writing this. My point simply is just a thank you for the tiny thoughts and words of encouragement that already exist there. Its all I need :)

LIFE BACK AT HOME

So a lot has changed since my last post from 7 weeks ago. When i wrote it I was still in Toronto, Canada finishing up the end of the tour. The end of the tour wrapped up and Ashley and I had to say goodbye to all of our new friends. It was emotional few days for us both as we hugged our friends with the thought there is a good chance we wont see many of them again. After spending so many months away from home and relying on them to be your friends and family it was a tearful but happy end.

I was happy to be coming home. Still no idea what I was going to do but making the trek to Simi Valley to come home, lay low, and figure things out. The first week was just that, laying low, beginning to think about what would come next, tour again, photography, work back at my old job...

Then it happened. I called my in-laws at work to ask them a question and the secretary told me they weren't there. She hesitated (I'm sure she was scared to be the one to say it after losing Tyson), but she then told me there was another accident and this time it was Tysons brother Timmy. I lost it, the last time I heard "theres been an accident" I lost the love of my life. Every horrible thought ran through my mind. Could this be happening again? God no! Please let him be ok. Please let him live. We can't do this again. The following hours and days were bad. We did our best to remain close to the promise that God is in control and he has a plan, while difficult and life changing decisions were made by his wife. Timmy lost his right hand and majority of his right leg and had a tracheotomy tube in his neck. He had over 400 stitches and several thousands of pieces of carbon fiber removed from his body. He fractured his left foot, tore his MCL on his left leg, suffered 2nd degree burns to a good portion of his torso, right arm and back. He battled infection, fever, and blood pressure issues among countless other issues. He was a very sick man and was in a medical induced coma for several weeks. While he was asleep and most of my family stayed positive I had some of the hardest days. Why God? Why again? Why to Abby, Coby and Cades daddy? Am I bad luck? Is this to punish us? I just couldn't wrap my head around the reason for this happening so close to losing Tysons. There really isn't a good time but I just didn't see why it had to be so soon. I just had to put my big girl panties on a deal with life. I had to put all that aside so that I could help in any way I could. I wanted to help Corinna and all that she was going through, I wanted to help the kids even if that meant just spending the night with them.

When Timmy finally woke up we all held our breath, what was coming next? How would he react? What was he going to say first? Would he be angry? The first thing he said when he looked at his doctor "I want to thank God that I'm alive"! Wow! I just can't tell you how good it was to hear that story. I wasn't in the room to hear it but it was all I needed to hear. He is going to be ok. There are going to be some mountains for him, but hes going to be ok. Since hearing his voice and his positive attitude I suddenly don't need to have my questions answered. It doesn't matter why it just matters that it did and how we can move forward. I have had some of the best conversations in my life with Timmy and in the last few weeks and it sucks that it took him being in the hospital for it to happen but I'm so thankful for them. I'm so thankful that he is here to continue to share stories of Tyson with me. I need to still talk about him and I need to still hear the stories of him however I can get them. God wasn't ready for Timmy in heaven and I think it would be safe to say we defiantly weren't ready for him to go :)

From there I wanted to tell you about a new opportunity that has worked out for me. Knowing I wanted to explore photography more and not sure where to start I emailed an awesome lady named Charise who is a photographer from Simi. I hired here to take "trash the dress" pictures of Tyson and I for our one year anniversary. Sadly Tyson passed away a month and half before we were to take those pictures. I reminded her who I was, what my experience was (not much) and asked if she would mind taking on an intern. She emailed me back when I got home and said there was a good possibility of it! I met with her a few weeks ago and she decided to let me try. I have since been to two engagement shoots and a wedding (my first this past weekend)! I can't thank her enough for taking me under her wing and being so patient with my crazy life and letting my tag along when I can. I have already learned so much and can't wait to see where the future will take me :)


Finally! I wanted to share a video with you all. Someone posted this video on Facebook last year shortly after Tyson passed away. I remember watching it and being amazed at this mans outlook. Life happened yet again and I forgot about this man and the message in this video until I was at the wedding this weekend. He was at the wedding and I was kinda starstruck! His video has been viewed millions of times on Youtube and hes right there in front of me. I think God was sending me a little reminder to watch his video and to remember the message, something we can all benefit from!

Washington D.C 2004 & 2011

In 2004 Tyson's cousin Leif married his wife Janine in Washington D.C., they live in Alexandria, Virginia. As I started taking pictures this time around, I realized that most of these pictures were going to be repeats. I tried to remember back on the pictures I took 7 years before in November. Besides the most obvious change that Tyson is gone I think the visual of the difference in seasons and growth in trees in the back round are kind of interesting. A little bit metaphorical on the changes we experience in life and "seasons" of life as well. I specifically sought out the picture of the one of me and the bench. It was hard but it seemed a very fitting visual of the most drastic change in my life. I needed to do it for me. It was hard and felt horrible making Ashley take the picture knowing Tyson sat there with me years before, but I had to do it... for me. The picture of Tyson and I on the bench was taken by our youngest nephew Cade as a little guy. He was the only standing by us so we made him take the picture of us. You can tell its taken from a low angle.

Also me 7 years later... I look the same but definitely have gained a few pounds and few more grey hair! HAHAHA its true! Maybe not that much grey but there is some. I definitely feel older and wiser for the experiences I have had from then until know. From 2004 to 2011 I have grown as a Christian, graduated college, bought a house, got married and experienced the greatest loss one can feel. 7 years can make you a big kid for sure.

These pictures break my heart and then instantly make me smile. Wow that amazing man loved me and I loved him. We were blessed! How can that not put a smile on my face? But boy do I miss him...

The Next Step

SOOOOOOOO...


I am a strong believer in the idea that things happen for a reason. Some things I understand and some will never be apparent to me while I stand breathing on this earth. The one thing that keeps swinging around in my direction is that the last big purchase Tyson made was a camera for me. This just keeps coming back into my head. He encouraged me to take a class to learn more my camera so that I could improve my skills. I took some engagement pictures for a friend of Natalias and they were so pleased with them that they asked me to do their wedding in July 2010. I never had the chance to do that wedding, Tyson passed away 3 weeks before and I had to ask them to scramble to find someone else... I didn't know what life was going to be like the next day let alone the day of the wedding. I was meant to put photography to the side and focus on me. Focus on surviving a life without Tyson, and focus on me - healing, grieving, and growing. I don't know why Tyson was taken from me or what it means in the scheme of life but one day it will make sense. I was offered a position to tour with a show. This opportunity allowed me to do lots of things. Time to heal, the ability to see the country, a chance to save a little money. As tour is coming to an end I have been thinking about the next step. I had been praying hard in may as I approached my visit home for the layoff so that I would know what to tell people when I went home what was coming after tour. On May 17th (exactly 11 months) after Tyson passed away, I knew. I knew deep down in my heart that I needed to dive head first into photography, I need to learn as much as I can and then somehow turn it into a business. Research, practice, take classes, whatever I need to do to make this work I need to do it. I deserve to follow this dream and see if I can make it a reality. Its scary, and I sometimes don't know where to start. My biggest supporter was Tyson. He held my hand through all my insecurities and short comings and made me feel like I could do anything. Im getting all sweaty just thinking about doing it without him but If I close my eyes and imagine real hard I can see him sitting next me saying, "do it, you'll be just fine". There was a reason I got that camera from him. It would be the first of many steps I needed to take to heal and follow a dream.

When I came home during those two weeks I slowly started telling people about my plan. Guess what! Everyone was my cheerleader. Everyone told me that it was great idea and that I should try it out. I don't know how it's going to work or how Ill make money at first but I know that it will work out... eventually. I don't expect results right away but with time I hope to turn it into something. Im scared and nervous and VERY excited all at the same time. I also want to take some graphic design classes as well so that I can take the techniques Ms. Amy Freisen showed me and possibly start doing Christmas cards for family and friends as well. She did my Save-the-Dates for the wedding as well as my Christmas Card in 2009. Im not opposed to picking up a part time job to help me make ends meet but I know that If I come home and try to juggle a full time job and learn all this stuff it just wont happen. I need to jump in!!! Sink or swim. I can't wait to learn and improve. Here goes...


These are the few pictures I have done over the past year that I either have on my laptop or was able to steal from my Facebook account.

June 2011

Well my last post was prior to the anniversary and I wanted to update everyone. I survived I guess, as best as you can after the crazy year I have been through. Ups and downs, lefts and right, back and fourths. I rented a room for myself on June 16th and 17th so that I could sit. Sit and be sad, sit and think, sit and read, sit and write. I did it all. I kept a sort of journal starting last summer to write down emotions, worries, memories, thoughts and what nots. I sobbed as I read back on all of that and it was great. Everyday I focus on putting my smile on, as well as my big girl panties and dealing with life. I haven't given myself much time to be sad and upset. Since the day of the accident people have been watching my every move. It was nice to not have to do that for one day and to release all that pent up hurt and emotion. Its what I needed and how I needed to spend the day. I could easily spend everyday doing that but why? Who wants to be miserable everyday? Being miserable for this one day was exhausting enough. I would rather live happy and have moments of misery that I can pray through, or think on for a few minutes and then move on from. That's how I've chosen to approach this year. Its worked for me but I know its not for everyone.

I received lots of lots of heart felt messages from everyone and I thank you for those. One of my favorites being from someone who said that through my strength and trust in God, they themselves have become closer to God and become more trusting in him. This person knows who they are and I love them with my whole heart and soul. Thank you for sharing this with me because thats the exact thing someone in pain needs to hear. That they matter and that they have helped to change the heart of one person. Tyson would have died a thousand deaths to bring one person closer to God and so would I. Thank you.

Updates on tour:

I have less than 5 weeks of tour and its starting to sink in. I will have to say goodbye to all the friends I have made on tour. Haven't I said goodbye enough? I try not to think about it too much but the end is nearing and life will change yet again. Man I really HATE change, but the new normal will come and I settle in to that just as easy I'm sure.










Since the two weeks I was home I spent two weeks in Cleveland (first 5 pictures) where the highlights were Cedar Point - which has the scariest roller coasters I have ever been on... like no seriously the SCARIEST, a Cleveland Indians game, and The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. My favorite ride at Cedar Point was the Top Thrill Dragster which goes from 0-120 mph in 4 seconds and shoots you straight up 420 feet in the air then returning to earth at a 90 degree angel. The ride literally last 12 seconds but the anticipation before the ride is killer! Here's a video of the fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPjN7zArwiI











From there I went to Philly(2nd 7 pictures), The City of Brotherly Love, where I had the Chance to Visit Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross' House, the place where Benjamin Franklin is buried, Eastern State Penitentiary - The Worlds First Penitentiary, Amish Country and the Greatest of all a true Philly Cheese Steak with cheese whiz and all (magical).













I am currently in Washington D.C. (last 5 pictures) and have a ton of awesome pictures here. We saw Fords Theater where Lincoln was shot, The Capitol, The Lincoln Monument, The White House, I got to celebrate my 27th birthday in our nations capitol as well as the 4th of July in front of the White House watching the fireworks!!!